WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
