Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
