Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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