Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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