I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
