I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
