i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
