help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
