she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
