I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
