Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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