I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
