So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize