So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
