she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
