this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
