escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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