After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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