well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
