cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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