is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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