Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
