Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
