found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
