Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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