i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How does one acquire holy water?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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