I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
