i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
