Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
