i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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