i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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