i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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