Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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