I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
