I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
