Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
