Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
