Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My penis needs a shock collar
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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