that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
