I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
