I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would fuck him just for his dog
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