Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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