Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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