i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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