2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
