I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
