My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
