She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
