I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
