You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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