Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
