Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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