Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
