it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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