His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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