Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
