My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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