uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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