well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
