That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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