so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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