She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
