yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
