5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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