Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
