And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
