hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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