Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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