...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
