I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
