...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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