HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
