Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
