sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
