She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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