So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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