oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
