I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
