...so i touched it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
