Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
