Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
