O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
